Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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