I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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