I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
