i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
