GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
