I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
