i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
