I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
