i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
