Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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