omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
