Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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