walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
