Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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