You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
