just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
