She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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