I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
