Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
