I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
