trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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