Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
