He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
