So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize