Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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