Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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