dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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