so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
