dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
