I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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