is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
