Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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