don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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