if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You pole danced in your parka.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
