Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize