4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
