why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
