the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
