Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
