he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You took a bar mat shot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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