my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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