franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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