uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
