Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
