well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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