Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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