i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
