i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize