chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
