Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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