There is no way he is gay with that hair.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
