your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
