he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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