pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
