Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we made out on top of his cat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
