I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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