We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize