1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
