So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
