I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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