My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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