When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
