I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize