every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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