Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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