If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
