i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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