You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
