Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize