were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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