just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
