But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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