I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
