Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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