weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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