Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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