i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
