can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
