I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
