I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
