so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
